You Either Get All of Me, or Nothing at All

I grew up with this belief: you make time for the people who are important to you. And I refuse to let go of that, because I want people to do the same for me. If I’m an important person in someone’s life, I want them to make time for me—especially you.

The older I get, the more I’m realizing how mutual that effort has to be. It can’t be one-sided. But a lot of my relationships somehow end up that way. It turns into me always making sure I respond to texts, watching for messages, trying to keep a good conversation going. I’m the one trying to bring us together as much as possible.

With you, that’s what it feels like now. I put in all this effort, and I get almost nothing back. Every now and then you’ll reach out, but it’s so surface level. And that really stings, because we used to talk deeply and meaningfully every single day.

What happened to our late-night conversations about the places we’ve been, or the funny things we saw at the store that day? Where are our weekend hangouts at the mall, or the evening hikes through the city trails? Why did all of your feelings for me seem to change in such a short amount of time?

It’s never been easy for me to understand how someone can just let go of that so easily. Do you realize how much your absence hurts me? Do you care? From my side, it doesn’t feel like you do.

Because of that, I can feel myself slowly pulling away from you. It’s not what I want, but I don’t know what else to do. I can only hope that if I’m gone completely, you’ll realize how good you had it when I was still here, still trying, still giving you everything I had.

I can’t keep pouring myself into this and getting nothing in return. With me, you either get all of me… or nothing at all.

-porter ⭐︎